Have you ever felt so insanely crazy with your mind obsessing over hundreds of thoughts (many of them negative confabulations!) making everything SO MUCH worse than what it really is?
One moment you’re in total happiness overload, and the next it’s the end of the world, everyone is out to get you, and you’re falling apart at the seams?
“Eventually you will see that the real cause of problems is not life itself. It’s the commotion the mind makes about life that really causes problems.” ~The Untethered Soul
Insecurity, insignificance, jealousy, overwhelming thoughts, feeling at a loss with no purpose, moments of absolute mental craziness…we all have felt these things. Lord knows they have tormented me plenty of times. So for me to believe I’m the only one experiencing it is total BS (which my brain loves to further torment me with).
Isn’t it highly possible that when we find ourselves feeling insecure, inadequate—even victimized—that oftentimes it’s NOT about someone else, but perhaps the root issue is buried deep within ourselves?
After all, even the most confident of people still silently struggle with that confidence. We are human—and no one has it perfect. No one has fully mastered control of the emotions (and hormones!) that can rage beneath a surface that otherwise appears calm, cool, collected. Is it not possible that you and I can point out an unattractiveness in someone else simply because we find that within ourselves?
In other words, we project our insecurities outward and then it’s so much easier to see it in others. Because, at times, every single person on this planet has been insecure.
To accept that these feelings are a part of who WE are is a critical step in working through them. Certain moments, certain people, certain circumstances, menstrual cycles, menopause…whatever it may be that triggers these negative emotions…the only way out of them is THROUGH them. You’re going to have to ride their tidal wave until they pass and hopefully you can glimpse the lesson those feelings are supposed to teach.
To heal, you gotta let yourself feel—all the way through. But just because you heal from one moment of feeling inadequate, unsafe, and down on yourself doesn’t mean you’re not going to feel that way again at some point in the future. Perhaps even within the same day.
So my big question is: when building relationships with others, do you share all of this with them? Do you admit out loud that you’re jealous about ABC, or that you feel worthless and don’t bring enough value to someone else? Do you really admit this with vocal words instead of holding it inside, knowing everyone else has felt that way too?
Studies have shown vulnerability to strengthen relationships. But when it comes to this part of our personal growth is it good to share aloud, or better to let yourself work through it in silence?
I’m a sensitive person and I love my people hard. Being sensitive also means that I hurt hard too. If I’m having an inner security struggle, should I really make it a problem for someone I care deeply for?
Being honest, raw, authentic—such beautiful qualities and yet shouldn’t some things be kept inside? Shouldn’t we use some of these feelings as our own personal challenges to conquer…alone…in the silence of our own crazy thoughts?
I think we all strive to be the best friend, wife, mother, sister, that we can be. But you and me—we’re not perfect. To have strong relationships we have to be willing to wipe the dirt off and love what’s underneath…just as much as the clean stuff, the pretty stuff.
Underneath all the layers of emotions, deep down I’m a happy person most of the time because I CHOOSE TO BE. But if I had to get raw and honest with myself I would have to admit that I get insecure, that I get envious, that I get jealous and those feelings wage war on my inner happiness. Most days I face them head on and conquer them quickly and I’m right back to my happy self. Yet there are those days, those moments where the battle drags out…and it wears me down and I feel like I’m losing. My thoughts—my confabulations—only add fuel to the fire.
I’ve tried to share these feelings in real time with my most trusted people, and every time I do I feel so silly afterward…and that sparks stronger insecurity within myself.
Isn’t it better sometimes to just let yourself feel your way through it alone? So you don’t question yourself for being vulnerable and sharing later on? Is it possible to heal more quickly when you’re not confabulating more sparks to a fire that should merely be embers about to go out by now?
Maybe that’s just the type of person I am and what seems to work for me most of the time. Taking time to be alone, pray/breathe/meditate, get in a good workout, play calming music, get outside and let the sunshine warm my skin…maybe even step it up with even more self care—whatever it may be that centers you back into the moment where the irrational feelings are no longer in control. Anything that empowers you to be the happy, kind, joyful person that you know you are deep down inside.
And after you’ve done that, if you still feel you need to talk about it, find your safe person to talk about with.
Though I have found in talking about it, that I worry too much what the other person now thinks of me even though I believe we all experience these crazy feelings and confabulations. Saying it out loud to someone else can help or make it worse.
I guess I’ve experienced both.
I love my family. I love my friends. I love my life. But there are also those dark times, challenges, insecurities. The yin and yang. Light and dark. There are always both. When I’m in the midst of the grisly battle, it doesn’t mean that I don’t love my people. It means that at that moment I’m not loving myself.
So it’s honestly something that I have to work through with myself and it’s my choice if I share that vulnerability or not.
For me, when I’m having a moment of jealousy or insecurity, it’s not because I don’t love that person in my life. I’m simply not loving myself. Though at the time, it’s so easy to deny that.
These feelings of insignificance, anger, craziness, being overwhelmed and stressed-out…perhaps rooted from trauma during our childhood and our reptilian brain stored it away to unleash at its whim…can be very damaging if we are reactive with them.
So if I feel something breaking down within I truly need to take a lasered look at myself. Now that doesn’t mean that other people can’t hurt you with their actions or words, but I do believe that if you have a strong enough bond with yourself and you give yourself time alone to work through it, things can be different and you’ll handle it more positively.
Now for us girls, we have up-and-down hormones, periods, menopause—so many changing emotions within our bodies. That can make it harder to handle and create feelings and thoughts than if you were stabilized you probably wouldn’t be feeling or thinking (hello, confabulation overload!) so we have to figure out how to work through that the best we can.
To proactively work through this in the best way is to be still and silent maybe for the rest of that day. Unplug from social media. And as uncomfortable as it may be in that moment—just let yourself feel it. All of it. Journal about it. Pray and meditate about it. Play some calming music. Perhaps even change the environment you’re in so that you can fully release and let those feelings go. And then evolve into a stronger, better, more loving version of yourself. After all, isn’t that what we all want any way? To be better every day. To have purpose that strikes a match to our inner passions. To experience radical and amazing joy that warms your heart and seeps down into your soul.
Thank you for being here.
PS. Looking to kickstart or revamp your healthy lifestyle journey? Whether you’re looking for weight loss, wellness, or just more energy—here’s some other posts that can help empower You!
PPS: If you enjoyed this article, share it with a friend who could benefit from it!